S.ex remains a taboo subject to discuss, especially among couples who feel men should be in charge. The debate has been going on for years....
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S.ex remains a taboo subject to discuss, especially among couples who feel men should be in charge. The debate has been going on for years.
But we want to know what happens when a female is dominant in the bedroom. Does that insult guys and bruise their egos or do they enjoy it when women take charge?Psychologist Mpho Tsotetsi said s.ex started in the mind and, most of the time, men were sexually aroused while women had a lot on their minds and hardly gave themselves time to think about sex.
But this is not always the case though because some women make an effort to take control in the bedroom.
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| What Women Want? |
“S.ex is very tricky because you have to think about it in order for you to give your partner the performance of your life. It takes most women time to do because of how society perceives sex and leaves them scared to be judged.”
But this stigma is slowly coming to an end as females are starting to embrace their bodies and be vocal about what they want in bed.
“Remember, sex involves two people. Well, sometimes there can be more. But when two people are involved that means they have to give themselves time to discuss their sex life and make it interesting. Sex doesn’t have to be about one person at the end of the day,” said Mpho.
When ladies are in charge things get a bit spicy and that can make the guy feel uncomfortable. He might think he hasn’t been doing the right thing, and lose interest. That is a bit selfish because the human body is an amazing thing.
What impressed a woman last week during s.ex might not hit the spot this week when her partner repeats the trick. Speaking to SunBuzz, Neo Sibanyoni said she sometimes initiated s.ex.
She didn’t always do it because her partner wanted to have sex, but sometimes because she wanted to. She said she seldom took control because most of the time she felt tired or busy with work.
“I have to be a lady about it and act like I don’t want to have sex even if I do because of how people talk about girls who enjoy s.ex.
“With me, it’s easy because I have a strong character. So, my partner expects that kind of move from me. But I have limitations because I don’t want to be judged by my partner,” she said.
The only thing her partner has a problem with is when she tells him what and how to do it.
“He feels like I’m trying to be a man and take over in bed. Everything else is okay, but when I introduce something new, he gives me the ‘where did you learn that?’ look.”
What I have observed is that my guy enjoys it when we try something new, but he’s scared of being overpowered by me. He likes taking charge.
“Sometimes I’ll be so horny I’ll also suggest styles to spice things up and try something we’ve never done before.
“We also do role-play. I like being a bad girl. I enjoy role-play because I don’t have time to make love. So when I do, I do it to the extreme. The only time I have is for a quickie.”
Bayanda Skhosana said it was intimidating when a lady takes charge because she has a commanding voice that made a man thinks he hadn’t been doing anything nice during sex.
“I think it’s culture shock to see that a woman takes time. Sex is not supposed to be calculated. That makes it boring. And when it’s boring, people tend to stray.
“My wife and I explore. So, every time we have sex, it’s like we’re in an adventure and it’s exciting,” he said.
He said there were positions that put women in control without them showing they were taking charge.
“Such things need to be introduced slowly to the partner. So, suggest positions that put you as a woman in power during sex then do your thing.”
Here are the moves you can try, to be dominant as a woman and yet please both you and the guy:
- Tell him what to do, not in a demanding way. Just lead him in the right direction.
- Try things you and your partner haven’t done before because s.ex has to be fun and enjoyable to both partners involved.
- Masturbate and let him watch you while you caress yourself. It fascinates a man.
- Be open-minded.
- Some things won’t work and that’s okay. Just focus on what you can master and go with it. S.ex is not supposed to be right or wrong. It has to be enjoyable.
- A woman is not a dead lay. Respond both with your body and verbally. Let him know you’re aroused by the way you move or the things you say.
- Don’t hold back. Most s.exual positions end up putting the man on top. But it doesn’t always have to be that way.
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