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Blessing of Curse: How to Manage Social Media for a Better Life, Marriage

Harare – Marriages have been ruined, romours turned into reality – while some have been blessed, they remain a permanent feature in our dai...

Harare – Marriages have been ruined, romours turned into reality – while some have been blessed, they remain a permanent feature in our daily lives – all thanks to Social Media and smartphones – but there is more to this agony and happiness…

According to Sarah Griffiths from the MailOnline, most youngsters today are ‘in love’ with their smartphones and a great deal of women admit technological devices are ruining their relationships.

Psychologists from US universities claim that smartphones can be the ‘third wheel’ in a relationship and distract couples from each other.
Smartphones, it is argued, have created a generation of phone addicts whose allegiance in a relationship has increasingly shifted from their partner to the smartphone or social media once every couple of minutes.

Some partners are known to compose texts during face-to-face conversations without shame or respect for the other. This propensity has led to people becoming trapped in ‘gadgetry culture’ by allowing technology to interfere, even in small or petty ways. 
How to Manage Social Media 

This sometimes causes conflict, which slowly erodes the quality of their relationship and keeps them increasingly apart. In due course, individuals may feel less content with their relationship as well as with their way of communicating with their partner. 

Technological interference with conversations, activities between romantic partners even when it’s inadvertent or for brief moments may lead to conflict and negative outcomes in personal lives and relationships.

Those that are addicted to smartphones are not only accused of infidelity, but engaging internet pornography, online gaming and gambling, which all have a negative strain on relationships. 

It is also argued that while electronic gadgetry is keeping us more connected in some ways, it is a shallow connection not the deep emotional engagement needed for any kind of meaningful relationship.

The constant use of electronic gadgetry is bad for marital relationships, due to the fact that texting, use of Facebook, WhatsApp, Twitter, Snapchat, and e-mails are set up for volume, velocity, and multitasking, that is, the splitting of attention between couples. 

Smartphones are therefore not recommended for optimum use in a marriage or romantic relationship setting; their use should be minimal and controlled to avoid unnecessary interference with personal communication, marriages or relationships.

Researchers have also found that constantly checking for messages is an addiction which like other drugs can ruin your personal relationships. The addiction has even been given a name – Nomophobia is the term created by British researchers in 2008 to identify people who experience anxiety when they have no access to mobile technology. 

How to manage technology? 
In conformity with gadget etiquette, some have recommended a number of strategies which include: putting a smartphone on silent and not keeping it with you all the time in order to focus on your partner and show them you value them more than the smartphone.

If one needs to ‘check on something’ legitimately important, one can openly provide an explanation first and then check their phone preferably after an important conversation or intimate activity. 

This is not easy to do but may be the only way to avoid technology needlessly coming between you and your relationship thereby avoiding jeopardising the all-important marriage or relationship.

It is also recommended for one to avoid getting irate or defensive if your partner expresses discontent at your constant texting or gaming.

Essentially, one must always try to put away one’s smartphone for a while and pay some special attention to your partner during important conversations or romantic sessions. 

This is a way of saying to your partner you value them more than the smartphone and you are giving them the time and special attention they deserve every day.

One should use the smartphone when their partner is busy doing other things or when they are not looking or seeking your attention. This is difficult to achieve though but is the most desirable action to take. It is saves and maintains the relationship intact for a while at least.

Promote open communication with your partner, with special focus on areas that could cause tension and friction. 

Some experts advise that in a long term relationship, transparency can develop so easily between partners — one person needs another’s smartphone passcode to grab a number, or email password to look something up. But having that information can open a Pandora’s Box or potential can of worms.

Create daily technology-free times where no smart phones/tablets are allowed at the dinner table, during important conversations and in bed and this guarantees undivided attention to each other for a couple of hours per day. 

This also fosters the emotional presence for a relationship, for intimacy to take hold and develop over time.

Go for a weekend away without smartphones and only focus on your selves just for the few days you are not at home, this helps to rekindle the relationship and create a sense of belonging to each other as partners. Again, this is not a panacea for many in relationships. - Online Sources 



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